My life, and thoughts about it.

I`m doing this from my mobile for the first time in a long time. Maybe you won`t read this Ikue but I need to say it.

Today was a misunderstanding. When I did my paperwork I said it would be about one year. I finished that and I told you I would find an apartment as soon as possible. And I will. Everything I told you I would do is in my plan, and I am doing everything I promised step by step.

maybe you wont read my mails or answer my phone. But I love you so much, I need you , I need you in my life. I want you right now. Im so sad without you.

Please talk to me Hokkaido butter. I cant stop thinking about you and how only you love me and I love only you.

I dont know if you will read this but I hope you will. I cant stop thinking right now, about what you are thinking and what you are planning to do. I hope soon you will be thinking clearly. You just need to find a job you can do. You dont need to be an elite engineer or anything, just get a job to support yourself and we can work on your career later. Thats the clearly the best option.

Im looking from my viewpoint so it is easier for me to see what is happening with you. You cant take the stress of the SE job, so please dont do it. I am not e-mailing as you asked , but I must stop myself because I really want to mail. Truth is you are my true love and I love you so much and I miss you. I know you love me too.

I hope you will think clearly before making any sudden decisions because in the end I know I love you every moment of everyday, and you love me the same way too. I think we need to admit that and be good to each other.

Take this weekend to rest, and on monday search for another job, and easier job with a salary that can support you well enough to survive. Seven eleven, or a supermarket is fine.
You just need a job with no stress. I told you before that doing the SE job was probably no good for you anymore, In the future please take my advice. My advice is meant to help your situation , not hurt it. Clearly you know I love you and I am thinking of what is best for you, always!!

Please dont get stressed by what I am saying now. I will explode if I cant tell you what I am thinking now so I needed to write it down.

I love you Ikue, mail me when you feel you can. I am waiting !!

I dont have too much pride but I must show myself some respect and know what I deserve to have in life.

I got hurt again yesterday and again this morning, I need more than that from the girl who loves me. Why do you always hurt me so much. Apart Im hurt together I am hurt.

It`s a difficult thing to love somebody so much that I allow myself to be repeatedly disrepected and hurt.

Right now I really want to mail but must wait,

Am I so ugly, or such a bad boyfriend, so unpopular with you? I believed that you loved everything about me, and if you said " I love you now" I would believe you. So why hurt me?

To anybody reading this. I am just writing this to get my feelings out so I won`t feel so sick.

I love that girl too much , and that makes me stupid, I know she loves me too but she doesnt respect me and give me the treatment I deserve.

I spent my night talking with you. Finally slept peacefully thanks to you. I felt I wasn`t alone finally I was next to you.

Im sorry I wasn`t feeling well yesterday, maybe it`s stress maybeit`s a cold , maybe a combination of things. Im not sure. I do know that I want to see you, and Im very sorry I couldn`t be there with you last night when you needed me .
Let`s spend some time together again soon. I need to see my honey!